There's nothing that completely enraptures one's soul than that of a newborn child, your own newborn child. It forever changes the way you see the world, your life, and the heart of God. To know that your child was so intricately and delicately woven together by the Master's tender hands is so beautiful, and then, when the time is just right, He presents His masterpiece to you on their birthday as if to say, "Okay, here's the finished product of my love, my heart, and my gift to you." It's even more incredible when you're expecting a miracle for a miracle. Each and every child is a miracle. Even when they gave us the option to abort our sweet girl, we knew that wasn't even an option....no matter what we would face. That wasn't our call to make. None of it was.
We tried so hard not to get impatient as we waited for God to show us His finished masterpiece and let Joscelyn make her debut. We took walks in the evenings hoping to induce the much anticipated labor and while my mom pulled the twins in their wagon I waddled behind them holding Brenton's hand and trying not to feel like a giant, sweaty elephant sauntering down the road. It was great, and painful all at the same time! :) And then it started. The gradual increase of contractions telling me that it was time. The masterpiece was done and our baby was finally going to show her face at last. I called my midwife and told her it was time. My mom gathered up the twins and took them to a friend's house so it would just be Brenton, Harmony(my midwife), Jessica(midwife assistant), and Krystle(photographer) present at the labor and birth. Harmony arrived, we filled up the birthing pool, and labor was in full swing. I was surrounded by Scriptures on our wall, we listened to worship music as I labored, and I know that Jesus was there with us. I remember thinking at one point, "What was I THINKING when I thought a home birth would be great??!!! This is crazy!" Haha....as crazy as it seemed in those 4/4.5 hours of labor, it was hands down, the best thing I have EVER experienced. Brenton was the most amazing, supportive, and just all around amazing birth coach/partner God ever put by my side. There's no way I could have done what I did without him there. I'll spare you all the gory details, but what I will say is that our little Joscelyn, although small and fragile, was a fast, furious, and ready-to-get-out-and-see-the-world little firecracker!! My water broke at 1:03, and she was born and 1:07. I pushed once. Just once and she was born. Beautifully crying, perfect little angel. Hearing her cry was the sweetest sound to ever reach our ears. We were so overwhelmed and thrilled to meet her. Brenton cried more than I did. No lie. We could tell as soon as she was born that she was a fighter, but she wasn't normal. I held her close, told her how perfect and beautiful she was. I told her how much I loved her, and then we prayed. We prayed harder than we've ever prayed in our entire lives for God to heal our child, and give her a miracle of healing. As she showed us signs of her weakness shortly after birth, I started speaking the name of Jesus over her. I know and believe there is power in the name of Jesus. So did she. That little girl knew who her Father was, and she responded to His name. As helpless as she was, she knew nothing more than how to respond to the name of Jesus and the love we gave her. She immediately became more alert and opened her eyes to look at us. We weren't guaranteed even an hour with her, but God gave us a miracle of four and a half precious hours with our baby.
Within an hour and a half of her being born, we were surrounded by 15 of our closest friends and family. These people prayed, sang, and walked through some of the most intense hours of our life with us. To our warriors: Gary and Joyce Helmuth, Emily Campbell, Chalee Root, Matt and Jen Mast, Keisha Helmuth, Zach and Jeanna Helmuth, Ryan and Rebecca Mayer, Angela Menzie, Linda Menzie, and our girls.....and to everyone else who prayed us through, thank you just doesn't feel like enough. She didn't have her eyes open for long but it was long enough to make a lasting impression on me and give me one of the sweetest memories of her short life. The second was that of her grabbing my finger with her tiny hand. That too lasted for just a fleeting second, but I'll never forget it. Everyone got a chance to hold her while she was alive, thank you Jesus, and we spent our time drinking in and savoring every detail of her and giving her as much peace, comfort, and love as we possibly could. She had a head full of thick dark hair, the sweetest nose and ears, and little rolls of baby fat on her legs and arms. She was such a beautiful baby. We knew there was still time for her to be miraculously healed, but it wasn't meant to be here on this earth. I remember when Harmony told us that her heart was failing her little body, and we knew she would be gone soon. She rested peacefully on her daddy's chest and each time she exhaled, it was as if she was singing to us. So, so sweet. It's so beautiful and amazing to me that she knew and loved her daddy and found comfort in resting on his chest even though I physically carried her in my womb. She knew her earthly father just like she knew her Heavenly Father. Harmony weighed her to find out she weighed a whopping 6lbs 1oz! Compared to the twins this was a big deal for me. :) After she was weighed, Harmony handed her back to me and as I held her, I felt my sweet baby take one last breath before she passed on into the loving arms of Jesus. Forever at peace....forever made whole....forever loved. His masterpiece was finished.
I thank God for giving us a miracle of four and a half hours with His precious gift to us. Even though letting her go was one of the hardest things we've ever experienced, I know that it's not the end. I know that one day we WILL get to see her and hold her again and we won't ever have to let go again.
Dance with Jesus, my sweet Joscelyn, dance until one day I can dance with you in Heaven.
